We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
