dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
