Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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