Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm bleeding and have questions
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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