Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
