I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
