girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
