I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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