so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
