i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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