I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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