Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
