I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
