1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Congratulations! We have a period
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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