apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
