frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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