I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
