bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
