Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
