In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
