Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
