so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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