Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
