Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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