Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
