That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
