my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What a dumb baby whore.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
