Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
NoShamevember. You game?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
