it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
