Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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