Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
