Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Semen is not good for contacts.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
