too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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