i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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