She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
