Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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