hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
