so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
