I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
