Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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