First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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