Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
