if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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