I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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