I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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