This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
