At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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