I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
