just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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