Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
