Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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