you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
