i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
