I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
and you fell through a lawn chair
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
