We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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