Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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