dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
