Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
