And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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