Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
