I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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