So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i barfeds in our rink
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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