We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
