For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
