Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize