My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
