just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
