I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
