just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
