I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
