Already got asked if we're dating
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
