what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
