I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
