I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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